It’s really tough to describe the way I feel on April 24th. Six years ago it was a day that we would all get together, stuff our faces (usually Chinese food and ice cream cake) and give Dad gifts -usually something corny and something for the upcoming golf season. But since he died, I’ve met this day with mixed emotions every year. At first it was really sad , then it was more so weird to still acknowledge the day as a “celebration”, today it was what seemed like just another day.
It seemed like it. But today was not one of my greatest – and as I reflect on the day with a cup of tea, I realize it was probably because in my heart today was not just another day.
I woke up from what felt like a great sleep and was instantly tired. The boys seemed a little more crazy today – but I’m certain it was because I just wanted a minute to think about my dad and it felt like I couldn’t find one. Vehicle issues, four year old attitude, teething baby and lack of caffeine just piled up. I was an impatient mom, probably a snarky wife and a daughter who could barely imply that I remembered what today was when I saw my mom. Seriously, why did my heart sink a little bit when she said she had other plans?! It wasn’t a big deal – but my mood today sucked.
It sucked until we were driving home with a grande caffeine filled beverage (that I almost got to drink 100% hot). Drew was giving me the play-by-play of what he saw out the window…the stores, the colours of the cars, the boats at the marina…..and “look mom, the lake is sparkling”. Say what? What four year old refers to the lake as sparkling? It made me smile. Some of the last words my dad ever said to me on one of my visits home while he was sick (and probably a little loopy for those of you who knew him) was “look at the lake – it’s just sparkling”. I remember because it made my mom and I giggle that he would say something like that.
He was shining on us today. He warmed up the outside so that my kids could burn some energy and so that I could get some vitamin D – I’m sure of it. He put the sun in our lives today so we could celebrate the life that he gave us and enjoy the day.
Every time the lake sparkles, it sure reminds me of him. I’m glad Drew finds it so interesting that it makes the cut in the play-by-play.
Happy birthday Dad 🙂 Keep on sparkling!